VOICES OF OUR REGION
Andrew Sydlik
Transcript
Well, my name is Andrew Sydlick and I am 27 years old. I’ve lived in this area all of my life, really the Greater Pittsburgh area. I’m originally from a little town called Natrona which is at the very edge of Allegheny County. So I grew up there with my two parents and I have a younger sister. I went to school at Penn State and I went for two years at the New Ken campus, which was across the river, two years up at the Erie campus. I got my degree in Creative Writing and then came back here. I moved first to Sharpsburg and lived there for three years and now I’m living in Bloomfield. I’ve lived here for a little longer than, I don’t know what it is, 6 months, 7months or something like that. September 2007.
I’m legally blind. I was born with a condition called vertical nestagnus, which is basically that the muscles and nerves in my eyes are weak, they aren’t attached as strongly to the eyeball so that means my eyes cannot focus on far away details that well.
I'm still I guess I’m still trying to think about how this condition has affected my life. I mean I have always thought about it but I guess it’s something that’s hard to really grasp. For me I feel like it did make me not able to participate in a lot of things. And also, this is the hard thing, was it that I wasn’t able or was it that people really weren’t willing to make the accommodations to allow me to participate in them, you know? From pretty far back, like I remember in second grade, you know at recess I really couldn’t, Well, I really didn’t participate in many activities. One of the kids I talked to, they were playing football and I said “hey can I play” and he’s like “no, this isn’t really a game you can play.” But I have played football with my friends after that, when I was older. But, you know, I am able to play to an extent; I’m certainly not going to win the Super Bowl any time soon. With people who are just playing around and not really being all that serious about it I can play sports. But for people who are really concerned about winning, no I’m not going to catch every football.
I don’t think my parents knew really how to handle my condition, the situations I would get into, because my dad is the kind of person who thinks oh if you have enough willpower you can do it right. So, He would always tell me “Well you should be able to do things just like anyone else can. It doesn’t matter if you make mistakes.
But then on the other hand he wouldn’t want me to do some things you know, like. I wanted to ride a bike when I was little because everyone I knew did and he actually bought me one like “okay, we’ll do this.” But he never put it together. So, you know, things like that. On the one hand he would push me a lot but on the other hand he could also be very overprotective.
Well, the actual schoolwork was not much of a problem because I always had, OVR or it used to be Blindness Individual Services. So they would get me large print materials and things like that. When I was in high school they got me CC TV, got me a computer with zoom text on it. I always did very well in school.
Interviewer: What kind of services do you receive at the moment?
OVR gets me things equipment. Like right now They’ve gotten me things for my job. Right now actually I have zoom text and they are getting me an update of that for my computer both at work and at home, I can use it on both.
I am working part time for a non-profit called Providence Connections. I’m an administrative assistant there.
They help low income and at risk families. They have daycare, after school programs, parent classes, things like that. They have a domestic abuse shelter out in Clarion County.
I kind of like the idea of working for a cause rather then just making money for a company. There’s the things like you don’t really get very good benefits and stuff but I like that doing something good for other people and because I know I have to rely on help from other people it’s like “Wow, I can give something back.” That’s good for me.
I’ve been a writer since a pretty early age and in 12th grade I had an English teacher who was really good and she really encouraged me in my writing and made me really get into it. So when I was going to college, for the first two years I was undecided, just getting all of my basic classes. And you know, I went back and forth on it. I originally was going to take journalism at Penn State main campus but I visited that campus and it was so crowded, I was there for two minutes and I turned around and said I’m not going there. And then I found out that the creative writing option was up at Erie and I visited there and it’s a smaller campus, and everything, which I liked. And I thought, “ I really like writing so why not do this.” At the time I basically thought any four year degree was going to get me a job. Some people had led me to believe that but I should have thought more about it myself. I thought, well, I could find some kind of work where I’m using for it, but I mean, I guess mainly because it was a personal passion of mine, I went for it.
Interviewer: So, where do you see yourself going?
I don’t know. I see myself flailing my arms around lost! The grant writing path is where I would like to go. If not, trying to stick with non-profits in some capacity. Maybe doing communications, doing things like writing newsletters which I have experience in that. Or public relations or HR or something where I’m able to use communications related skills.
If I could do anything, what I would love to do is just make money off of my writing but that’s a rare thing to be able to do. Although I guess one thing I found is that I know a lot of people with disabilities will work from home but I don’t know if I would want to do that. I like being out, interacting with people. I guess the other dream job would be maybe editor, editor at a literary magazine or publishing house. That would be really cool.
I don’t really think that I have a mentor or hero like a lot of people do. I don’t know that I was really inspired by any one person and my progression into independence has been kind of a gradual thing, one step here and one step there. There were a few people that I think helped me along. Like I mentioned my 12th grade English teacher and she was pretty important. And a couple of my friends. I have a friend that I made in college and we’ve stayed in close contact and just got closer and closer since then. He’s been pretty important to me. He’s always been very encouraging and supportive.
And there a couple other of my friends who have not dealt with a physical disability per say, but one friend who has a lot of mental problems, even attempted suicide a number of times, but I have maintained contact with him and so he can sort of relate to what I go through because of the struggles he goes through.
And I guess I would also say authors that I really like and musicians and hearing about their stories and being impressed by their works has really inspired me too. Like Franz Kafka is one of my favorite authors. His life aside from his work is just very interesting. You know he went through a lot of struggles with self doubt and feeling alienated from the rest of society and reading about that and then looking at the amazing things he did. Ray Charles is another one who I can honestly relate to more on a physical level. But I mean he did things that no other musician did at that time and it’s still never done. He was like such a genius and he was one of those rare people where his genius was not hurt at all his social aspects. He would just ask for what he wanted. He wasn’t afraid to just do that and it was really just incredible what he was able to do.
I guess one thing that I would have to say is with me there is always this thing going back and forth between wanting to understand and identify with having my disability and then trying to distance myself from that. So to get involved in the advocacy sometimes there is this hesitation like well, I don’t “I’m not part of that.” Which I realize that’s not how it should be.
I think that has changed a lot now and now I am more interested like, for example, the whole Port Authority thing, which just really pissed me off and it’s not necessarily a disability issue but a lot of people with disabilities it is important to them because they have to rely on a Port Authority bus. And some of them might take Access but for me it’s just too expensive to do that.
People try to fight for it and hardly ever get what they want or really need and then it’s just like maybe it is worth it because if you don’t do anything about it you’re not going to get anything at all. And if maybe even if you get one or two compromises maybe that’s better than not getting anything but its like is all that frustration and anger and bitter feelings id that really even worth it? I don’t know.
I guess at this point in my life I think I’m thinking more about how being legally blind really affects me, affects my sense of identity, affects my sense of independence. These are things that, like I’ve said going back and forth, between distancing myself from it and wanting to understand it. That’s always made me kind of hesitate on it. Now I’m really starting to explore it a lot more and not be as afraid to think about it. The more that I have had to be independent the more I’ve had to think about it and had to think about the limitations that are I had to face, on me but also the things that I can do and the ways I’ve kind of defeated myself at times.
So I just wanted to participate in this and I think it’s a really cool project and I’d like to see more things like this. I feel like also just with the advocacy thing there’s, I don’t know of a lot of projects and things that are centered around disabilities. For almost every other minority you have from race, gender, sexual orientation, and religion you have tons and tons of books and music and festivals and everything that are centered around those things. But disability seems to really not have a lot of things like that. The more that I have had to be independent the more I’ve had to think about it and had to think about the limitations that are I had to face, on me but also the things that I can do and the ways I’ve kind of defeated myself at times.
It was almost like the spectrum of going from living with my parents and then being in school where I was kind of not with them but still relying on them and then moving to Sharpsburg where I was farther away but then I had this sort of group of friends who I think I was sort of dependent on in many ways and now being in Bloomfield I’m by myself living by myself. Before that I’ve always had a roommate. I’m by myself and pretty much have to rely on getting everything I need like groceries and everything. Also, And also with my friends, I think I mentioned before, they would do things and they were things I could not do and even I had told them before that I wouldn’t be able to do that and yet they did it anyway. I confronted them about it later and there like oh we didn’t do anything wrong. So there were things like that that really made me say to myself “I can’t not think about this anymore. I have to really understand what this is.”
This is called “Being Blind.”
I can’t tell you what it’s like being blind.
It’s different every day.
Close your eyes and grope
You still won’t understand.
I don’t move in ever darkness
Of patches of light and shade.
That kind of blindness is rare
And then so is mine.
I see the faces but not the smiles
The signs but not the stops.
Thirty feet between you and I makes us strangers.
Blindness is inconvenient and heavy
Loaded with shopping bags wrapped around my arms
Instead of stuffed in the backseat.
My hourglass trickles more slowly
Emptying by the Port Authority schedule.
Some places can’t be captured by this defective camera
Because the rundown buses simply don’t go there.
But parts of blindness aren’t so bad
Without a car I’m not polluting the air
Or being robbed blind with insurance.
And I get spared from the ugliest people.
I may stumble over a curb
Or a child’s toy on the sidewalk
But we all stumble
And often it’s our feet not our eyes that are unsure of the world.
I would just say don’t be afraid to think about having a disability. Don’t let it limit you. At the same time, don’t try to think of yourself as someone who doesn’t have it but just keep going on and trying to get what you want because persistence is the key to so many things. No matter what obstacles you face other people who don’t have disabilities also encounter many obstacles that they have been able to overcome so no matter what just keep going at it and you’ll eventually get it. Maybe not tomorrow but eventually you’ll come to some type of resolution that will make you happy.